“Hullo.
There you are.”
“Mi
Hermosa! You need a shave!”
“I…yes, I’m
going to. It’s mighty early in the day you know.”
“It’s very
late here.”
“I know.
Thanks for staying up. I know you take your sleep time very seriously and all
that…”
“Ah no,
never can sleep right after sex. You remember that, right?”
“That makes
two of us.”
“Yes. Good
memories.”
“Fantastic
memories.”
“But you’re
happy now, aren’t you? She’s a very sweet girl.”
“She is,
yes. And you and Big T seem to very happy too.”
“I wish
you’d come to Colombia…we could be so happy together.”
“Can’t be
done, sweetheart. Do you have the TV on there?”
“Yup yup, T
goes out like a light after he’s finished, so I sit up and watch political
news.”
“Trump
winning again?”
“Trump
ruling the world, it seems.”
“How do
Colombians feel about Trump?”
“How do you
think Colombians feel about Trump?”
“Like you
feel about fatty foods. Hate mixed with a morbid fascination.”
“Haha, yes."
"You’ve stayed at his hotel in Vegas?”
“No, I’ve
been to the pool though, sponsor event.”
“Will it be
harder for you to find work in the States after he comes to power?”
“He’s about
shallow enough to make an exemption for someone who looks like me, I think.”
“I dare say
any man would make an exception for you.”
“Aww, you say
the most wonderful things, los querido.
But no, Trump isn’t President yet. What do Indians think about him?”
“I think
Indians who support our Prime Minister tend to support Trump. They have some similarities. But there’s
probably a spectrum of opinion on both the right and left. Probably not as
uniformly anti-Trump as Colombia would be.”
“So Rubio
dropped out…”
“That’s the
young chap?”
“Yes,
Senator from Florida, couldn’t win his own state. I love Florida.”
“Your love
for Florida is well-documented in bikini pictures taken there. Miami is the
capital of the Fitness industry isn’t it?”
“Si. And
Kasich won Ohio.”
“That’s the
older guy from the Reagan administration?”
“Let me
explain what’s happening in terms you will understand.”
“Go ahead.”
“So
basically, Harry Potter just withdrew from the race as he could not even win
the Gryffindor vote.”
“That’s
Rubio, right?”
“Correct.
Remus Lupin did win his constituency – the Werewolves, but that’s all he’s won.
However he will go on.”
“That’s
Kasich.”
“Right.
Meanwhile, Draco Malfoy has a theoretical chance to win and is pleading to
supporters of Harry and Remus to rally around him. He’s won several strongly
religious states but isn’t very popular within the Wizard Party due to very
questionable things he has done in the past.”
“Sounds like Ted Cruz all right. What about
Trump?”
“I was
getting to that. Lord Voldemort continues to march towards the Party
nomination.”
“Ah yes,
Trump as Lord Voldemort. Fascinating. What about the Democrats? I see Hillary
is winning across the board tonight.”
“Yes, after
years as a significant force in Middle-Earth politics, Arwen Undomiel finally
looks ready to become a leader. She was a highly polarising figure during the Aragorn
Presidency, but stood by him when he was caught having an affair with a
dark-haired intern from Rohan. Later she fought a spirited campaign against the
Samwise Gamgee candidacy but eventually settled into a role as his chief
diplomat. And now she’s running again, combating voter fatigue both with her
and with the Elven establishment.”
“But she
has stiff competition.”
“Yes, old
Bilbo Baggins is very popular with young pipe-weed fans, as a Hobbit of his
stature ought to be. But his base is often too stoned to actually show up to
vote, so it looks like Arwen will carry the day.”
“Thank you,
that was quite a political lesson. November will be very interesting. Arwen
versus Lord Voldemort. I’m hearing Voldemort will win.”
“We have to
remember Arwen has a weapon she hasn’t revealed yet.”
“She has
the one ring?”
“What? No, no. I meant Aragorn is still around, she’s kept him on a leash thus far, but once they are
in a one-on-one I think Voldemort – I mean Trump – will realise that Aragorn is
still a man with a very sharp sword. And don’t forget that Samwise and his wife
Rosie will also be able to focus on Voldy as November gets closer. No, it won’t
be a walkover for him.”
“Thank you,
that was very educational.”
“I’m always
glad to be of help. Now what’s with you? I see you’ve been avoiding exercise.
You look puffy.”
“Look at
the time! I should get along now.”
“Have you
been eating right? You seem to have put on quite a bit.”
“I’d love
to stay and chat but it’s really too late. See ya! Bye! Adios!”
“Hmph!”
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