Saturday 1 August 2015

Percy - Ana Chronicles - IX: And they're all made out of tricky-tacky

“What you watching?”


“There aren’t any, Percy; we don’t really have a lawn.”

“I mean the TV series. I’m watching a TV series called ‘Weeds’.”

“Oh! Any good?”

“Brilliant. Love it. Wickedly funny, but dark as hell too.”

“What’s it about?”

“It’s about this young widow with two kids who becomes a marijuana dealer to make ends meet.”

“Sounds a bit like Breaking Bad.”

“I suppose there is a parallel in the broad storyline, but BB took a different view of it, explored different issues. Weeds has more humour, more an exploration of where desperation can take a person. Also, Walter White was a genius to begin with, Nancy Botwin, the protagonist, is portrayed as an ordinary person in an extraordinary situation.”

“Who’s the actress?”

“Mary-Louise Parker.”

“Hot for an older woman.”

“Hot full stop.”

“Not too much. Skinny fat.”

“She actually gets called that in one of the early episodes.”

“And who’s that?”

“Her maid, Lupita.”

“That’s right, stereotype the Latina character! What else are we good for but playing maids anyway?”

“It’s set in L.A. Maybe they have a lot of Latina housemaids there.”

“Yeah right, ordinary housewife affords a full-time housemaid. This is USA, not Guatemala.”

“Do ordinary housewives have maids in Guatemala?”

“How do I know whether ordinary housewives have maids in Guatemala? Do I look Guatemalan to you? Stop being racist and classifying all Latino people as Guatemalan.”

“Ana, nobody classifies all Latinos as Guatemalan, of all things. Mexicans, if anything.”

“Listen to yourself!”

“I have no idea what…”

“Hmp, I suppose she’s pretty enough. Got that cute expression on her face.”

“Very cute. She looks like she could use a cuddle.”

“You want to do her, don’t you?”

“Everyone on the show wants to do her too.”

“NOT a problem with Walter White for sure.”




“Are you a drug dealer?”

“Am I what…?”

“Sometimes I see you take a few steps away and talk to customer in a code language and those customers don’t buy our salsa or chipotle. Or potatoes and spinach.”

“Ana, that’s not code language, that’s Gujrati or Marathi, which I speak when chatting with one of the dozen or so Indian kids in this town to catch up on local news. And I take them a few steps away because otherwise they block up our counter.”

“If you’re involved in dealing, I think I deserve to know.”

“Ana, I am not…dealing.”

“Ok, ok. Chill.”


“She doesn’t look old enough to have a kid that age!”

“Mary-Louise was forty when the first season was being shot. That’s very fair casting, not just some 25-year-old being passed off as an older woman.”

“Ah so it’s first names now, is it? I suppose you find her hotter than me?”

“She is not hotter than you.”

“At least you’re not blind. I have WORKED to make this body what it is.”

“And it’s a beautiful body, now let’s watch the show, shall we?”

“All I’m saying is, if you ARE dealing, you should let me know. It’s a dangerous business and ONE of us is from a country renowned for it’s drug culture.”

“Notorious. The word you were looking for is notorious.”

“Stop correcting my English. It’s perfectly good! You white people always patronize us Latinos.”

“Ana, in what imaginary word am I a white person?”

“Watch the show.”

“Deal weed, indeed! Why would I deal weed in the state of Colorado anyway? It’s legal here. Boo yah!”

“It is?”

“What did you think that Green-painted shop sells? The one at the corner of Arapahoe and Athens with the flowerpots on the signboard?”

“Plants? Spruce, Cactus, Roses.”

“Wake up and smell the weeds, then. That's a legal pot shop."

“I thought we’re watching Weeds, not smelling them.”

“Sometimes I wonder if you’re just being cute.”

“Sometimes I wonder if you’re smoking the stuff you’re pushing.”

“Ana, I am NOT…ugh, I’m going out to watch the fish in the creek. You’re being insufferable.”

“I thought you’re watching this show!”

“Fat chance! See you later!”


“Well, I'm back. What you watching?”

“Shhh….Rosa just found out her lover has been cheating on her with her sister, Ava-Maria, but she is conflicted because she’s wanted to break up with Guillermo herself, since she’s pregnant with a child with Juan-Antonio, who is Guillermo’s sworn enemy, but Juan-Antonio now professes love for Rosa’s step-daughter, Alessndra, who…”

 “Nevermind, I get the picture. Turn on the subtitles.”


  1. Ha Ha. One of the Percy Ana ones after a long time. Fun read.

  2. This is hilarious! I wish I could write like you. Keep them coming.

    1. Thank you sir, those are very kind words indeed.

  3. Haha! This was so funny! Good writing, Percy!