"Hey there, come in, I was just starting a movie."
"I found this Bollywood movie - Preeti from Apartment 1022 gave it to me."
"Oh. I hope it's a good one...ugh, no!"
"Ana, Please tell me it's not 'Happy New Year'!"
"It is Happy New Year, actually. Why what's wrong with it?"
"Good Lord! What is that?"
"Uh..that's Shah Rukh Khan, he's kinda a big deal back in India."
"He looks familiar."
"Yeah? Maybe you've seen his poster around, like I said, he's popular. Especially with the non-resident crowd."
"No, I meant he looks like that mummy I once saw in the museum of Natural History in Washington DC."
"Well, don't go saying that too loud, he's got rabid fans."
"I'll be careful."
"He was rather charming and snazzy in his younger days."
"Which would've been when I was in pre-school."
~A little later~
"Ha ha ha, what a joker! This part is pure fiction, right? There isn't actually a place called Parsee Colony in Bombay, right?"
"And is it full of desperate housewives?"
"Err...hot in here, let me put on the AC."
"And do the actually talk like that and have overbearing mothers?"
"Dinner? Let's order dinner?"
"Percy...is this character representative of the community?"
"He's an...ahem...exaggeration, of course."
"Farah Khan, you have much to answer for!"
"Uf! Que es este feo?"***
"That's Abhishek Bachhan, my dear. He's the second lead in this movie."
"Seriously? He looks like the homeless fellows who hang around Boulder creek at night."
"His father is kind of a Very Big Cheese. Think Marlon Brando - meets - Dwayne - Johnson."
"DIos mio! Belleza!"
"Uh yes, that's Deepika Padukone."
"Yes, I know."
"Indian women are so beautiful!"
"Ana, looking at Deepika and saying 'Indian women are so beautiful' is a rather incorrect generalisation. It would be like concluding Colombian women are beautiful basis you and Sofia Vergara."
"But we are."
"Uh anyway, let's just get through this, shall we?"
~Much, much later~
"It was hilarious. Terrible, but hilarious."
"Mostly just terrible."
"And that woman - wow! Do women in India walk around dressed like that?"
"Nope, not really."
"And she can move! But those dresses! You should get me one. Or two. What's it called, a saree?"
"Not every Indian dress is a saree, Ana. Most of the time what you saw her wearing in this was a lehenga - choli."
"I'd look good in one."
"The dress hasn't been invented you wouldn't look good in."
"Aww, Percy. You say the nicest things. Is this a good Bollywood pose for my Instagram followers? Do I manage the Deepika whatshername look?"
"It's provocative, shows cleavage and if you were any less beautiful, would look crass."
"So you mean yes?"
"Sigh...yes, I mean yes."
"Now get here, I want to make you say YESSSSS!"
*Oh my God!
** Very funny
*** Ugh, what is this ugliness?