"Did you ever actually
play tennis?"
"No, badminton, yes. Back
at Parsee Gymkhana in Bombay."
"Then why do you watch
Wimbledon so obsessively?"
"I like watching
tennis!"
"Doesn't make sense. You
never played it."
"Have you ever slept with
a man, realised you are pregnant with his brother's child, plotted with his
mother to kill him, killed the father of your child instead, run away to
Acapulco, become a drug dealer's mistress, found out he's the grandfather of
your child, hatched an escape plot in concert with his henchman, fled to LA and
realised the man you thought you killed is now the Mayor of San
Bernardino?"
"What! No, of course
not!"
"And yet you religiously
watch that ridiculous Colombian TV series."
"Which...should be on
right now. Change the channel."
"But...Wimbledon..."
"Por favor,
querida."*
"No."
"Mirame."**
"Uhhh, what?"
"Usted sabe que yo voy a
hacer que valga la pena***, Percy."
"I don't even know what
that means!"
"Change the
channel!"
"Fine, but you're paying
for lunch! And we're going to the Tibet Kitchen!"
"Te no va a recordar la
cena cuando he terminado con usted."****
"I still don't
understand..."
"Look at me. You'll
understand. The rewards for forbearance can be great."
"Oh dear lord! You're
bewitching, you know that?"
"Ooh then take a photo on
my phone! Instagram! For all my followers!"
"There's something wrong
with your thought process there, but I'm not complaining."
"Shh! I'm watching TV
now."
"Hey, why is Talia having
coffee with Romero? Didn't she tell Alexis that she hates coffee?"
"Oh Percy, get with the
program! She was lying to Alexis to push him into going out with her sister
Prunella!"
"I should make you watch
Kumkum Bhagya."
"Stop mumbling and
watch!"
*Please
**Look at me
***You know I'll make it
worth(while)
****You won't remember dinner
when I'm done with you
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